Today is just the beginning

I have decided to create this blog to document the journey that my husband, Adam, and I are about to embark on.  We want to have a baby.

We have been married for just shy of nine years.  For the past five or six we have been trying to have a baby.  For some reason or another it hasn't been working.  I had hoped that it was because of his busy work schedule always going away for training or deployment, but he's been back now for over a year and a half and still nothing.  We have been keeping track of my cycles, keeping meticulous notes, and yet...nothing.  My biggest fear is that we are not going to be able to create a little one for us to love and cherish.  I guess this is the point I should warn you that some posts might get a little graphic.

Adam finally convinced me to go see a specialist. I went last week for an initial consultation to discuss all the options and roads that we have available.  I thought during this visit that I would be examined or that blood would be drawn or something.  But all we did was talk.  I will have to say that I was very disappointed.  I ended up bawling my eyes out on the way home and drowning my sorrows in ice-cream right out of the carton.  I was told that they couldn't run any tests until I started my period so I was on the hurry and wait train.  I wish I would have done more research before I went.  I really have no idea what we are in for and that scares me.

Well, I started my period last night so I called up the doctor this morning and I go in the afternoon for an ultrasound and blood work.  I got to say, the thought of an ultra sound during this time of month kind of grosses me out.  I know that eventually I will get use to all the poking and prodding during all stages of my cycle, but I'm not ok with it yet.  Also, today I should be able to learn something, either good or bad, but something nonetheless.  It's safe to say that I am a big scaredy cat because of all this.  Sometimes I don't want to know because I don't want the bad news that I can't help but feel is inevitable.  Through all this, however, my husband has been the best, most supporting husband I could ever hope for.  I feel so blessed to have him by my side.

So, today is the start of it all.  Today I start with the ultrasounds, blood work, and medications to all try and diagnose why we haven't gotten pregnant yet.  It's going to be a big change in our lives and I hope that we can survive the process.  And I hope that it works.  Wish us luck...