The surgery is finally over and done with! I'm so glad to not have to be worrying about it anymore. To decide to have this surgery was a big discussion between Adam and I. When we decided to try and have kids (many years ago) we both agreed that nature would run its course and what would be, would be. Then we kept on trying....and trying....and trying. We got pretty damn frustrated with nature! After a ton of discussion we decided to see a fertility doctor just to see what the problem was. It took me a least a year to finally do that.
The past 6 or so months have been such a roller coaster. Between the not knowing and the hormones it's been a difficult time. This is something that I never imagined myself going through. I always felt that I'd either have kids the natural way, or I just wouldn't have any. It's been difficult relying on medications and also not knowing why they weren't working. I guess that's the main reason I finally went to see a specialist. My incessant need to always know why. I finally believe I have found my answer.
Going into this surgery we knew that I had a fibroid the size of my ovary blocking my right tube. The surgery thankfully revealed a little more detail. My doctor was only able to talk to me for just a second after I woke up but the news was very interesting. I learned that the fibroid was very attached to me and didn't come out willingly. (The silly thing liked its home I guess) I also learned that I had mild to moderate endometriosis. This was a surprise to my doctor because I never showed any of the normal symptoms. So, he cleaned all that out and also said my tubes were clear. I wasn't sure if he meant that he had to physically clear them because they were blocked or not. I should find out at my follow up appointment in two weeks. So now I have all the information on why I wasn't getting pregnant. Where we go from here medication wise is still undetermined.
My recovery hasn't been as pleasant as I anticipated. Apparently I am one of those lucky few who has major shoulder pain from the anesthesia gas. I was not prepared for that! Otherwise I guess it's been going ok. I have more incisions than I originally thought I would have--4 instead of 2. And I'm still pretty swollen in the abdomen and need help sitting up sometimes. Adam has been a super help making sure I don't do too much. I've learned that I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for and I'm extremely grateful for all the prayers, warm wishes and kind words. Thank you all for your support!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Time for surgery
I figured it was time to update everyone on what's been going on. I apologize for the late notice, but there has been waaayyyy to much emotional crap happening in my life lately. I keep waiting for it to slow down, but it feels like a loosing battle.
Tomorrow I go in for surgery at Moore County Regional Hospital here in North Carolina. The last time I went in for a mid cycle ultrasound (about 5 weeks ago) the doctor found a 2cm+/- fibroid on the outside of my uterus blocking my right tube. There were also some "questionable" areas showing up on the monitor. With this new information we decided surgery was the route to go and decided to forgo fertility meds until after the procedure. Since I need to have the fibroid removed we decided to do a bunch of things all at one. My surgery tomorrow is going to consist of:
Laparoscopic Myomectomy with robotic assist
Hysterosalpingogram
Hysteroscopy
Lysis of Adhesion
Basically, they are going to remove the fibroid, make sure my tubes are clear, and clean out my uterus like a pumpkin. It should be an interesting day! I'll be sure to update this week after surgery to let everyone know how it went. Wish me luck!!!
Tomorrow I go in for surgery at Moore County Regional Hospital here in North Carolina. The last time I went in for a mid cycle ultrasound (about 5 weeks ago) the doctor found a 2cm+/- fibroid on the outside of my uterus blocking my right tube. There were also some "questionable" areas showing up on the monitor. With this new information we decided surgery was the route to go and decided to forgo fertility meds until after the procedure. Since I need to have the fibroid removed we decided to do a bunch of things all at one. My surgery tomorrow is going to consist of:
Laparoscopic Myomectomy with robotic assist
Hysterosalpingogram
Hysteroscopy
Lysis of Adhesion
Basically, they are going to remove the fibroid, make sure my tubes are clear, and clean out my uterus like a pumpkin. It should be an interesting day! I'll be sure to update this week after surgery to let everyone know how it went. Wish me luck!!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
It's been too long
I've started getting more and more questions about my blog that I realized that it's been over a month since my last post. A lot has happened...
First off, I am not pregnant...yet. I thought that I would get that out in the beginning. Secondly, I'd like to let you know the background of this how adventure so far...
**For those that have never gone though this process I'd like to inform you as to what goes on. (at least for me so far) You go in for your baseline ultrasound before day 3 of your period. You get put on an ovulation drug that you take for days 3-7 of your cycle. At around day 13 (or sooner if your ovulation kit indicates jackpot) for a mid cycle ultrasound. At this time they give you a shot in the bum. At this time you have a 3 day window to do the deed to maximize conception. A week after the shot you get blood drawn to check progesterone levels. If they are not high enough you get put on straight progesterone until you are pregnant, at which time you stay on the pills through your first trimester, or you start your period and the whole process repeats itself.**
Right now I am on round three of meds. I am no longer on Clomid as an ovulation drug. When I went in for my mid cycle ultrasound last month I really didn't have any good follicles. That was a huge disappointment. I figure since I'm on all these drugs that it should be doing something right??? Also, my progesterone levels were low so I was on straight hormones for a couple weeks. My poor husband has had to deal with my moods and it really hasn't been pretty. The new drug that had me on for this cycle made me really angry for some reason. That was not fun.
I go in for my mid cycle ultrasound this Friday. I'm hoping this new drug will show some more promise. Also, I still haven't shown any good follicles in my left ovary. I'm wondering if this is part of the reason that we haven't been able to get preggers in the past.... I promise to be better about updating. I got burned out on the holiday's and everyone coming up pregnant.
I apologize on the randomness of this update, but it's all I got right now. On a side note, I'd like to give a shout out to my doc. He went in on New Year's Day to do a baseline ultrasound for me.
First off, I am not pregnant...yet. I thought that I would get that out in the beginning. Secondly, I'd like to let you know the background of this how adventure so far...
**For those that have never gone though this process I'd like to inform you as to what goes on. (at least for me so far) You go in for your baseline ultrasound before day 3 of your period. You get put on an ovulation drug that you take for days 3-7 of your cycle. At around day 13 (or sooner if your ovulation kit indicates jackpot) for a mid cycle ultrasound. At this time they give you a shot in the bum. At this time you have a 3 day window to do the deed to maximize conception. A week after the shot you get blood drawn to check progesterone levels. If they are not high enough you get put on straight progesterone until you are pregnant, at which time you stay on the pills through your first trimester, or you start your period and the whole process repeats itself.**
Right now I am on round three of meds. I am no longer on Clomid as an ovulation drug. When I went in for my mid cycle ultrasound last month I really didn't have any good follicles. That was a huge disappointment. I figure since I'm on all these drugs that it should be doing something right??? Also, my progesterone levels were low so I was on straight hormones for a couple weeks. My poor husband has had to deal with my moods and it really hasn't been pretty. The new drug that had me on for this cycle made me really angry for some reason. That was not fun.
I go in for my mid cycle ultrasound this Friday. I'm hoping this new drug will show some more promise. Also, I still haven't shown any good follicles in my left ovary. I'm wondering if this is part of the reason that we haven't been able to get preggers in the past.... I promise to be better about updating. I got burned out on the holiday's and everyone coming up pregnant.
I apologize on the randomness of this update, but it's all I got right now. On a side note, I'd like to give a shout out to my doc. He went in on New Year's Day to do a baseline ultrasound for me.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Results please
I went to the doctor Tuesday afternoon and finally learned what's been wrong.
.
.
.
Nothing. Absolutely everything came back in the normal ranges. It's so frustrating because I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong. I also had an ultrasound. I learned that with the Clomid I took this cycle I have one, slim possibility of two, healthy follicles in my right ovary and two very small non-producing ones in my left. From what I understand, Clomid is taken to help you produce more healthy follicles. So maybe I just haven't been producing healthy eggs each cycle?? I don't know. They gave me a shot of 'human chorionic gonadotropin.' (I believe that's what it was anyways.) This is used to stimulate my body to actually ovulate--basically tell my body to release the egg from the follicle. Next week I go in to have my blood drawn again to check for my progesterone levels. If they aren't high enough they will give me another shot. This will tell my body to keep the fertilized egg, if in fact there is one. Then I wait.
I think that the waiting is the hardest part. It's such a small window to manipulate egg production and release that you have to be very specific when you take this med, or that med and then when you....well, you know. Then just sit back and wait to see if it worked. If it worked then that will be amazing and I'll yell at myself for not doing this sooner. If it doesn't I go back in for round two of drugs, (a higher dose this time) and more testing.
It amazes me that support that I've had since I started talking about this. I never realized how many of my friends have gone, or are currently going through, this same situation. It seems like something that no one wants to talk about. I understand that in a way. As a female your body is hardwired to reproduce. It doesn't matter what species you are, animals need to create new life or their existence dies off. Making a baby should be one of the easiest things that I can do. It should be a no-brainer....but it's not. And a part of me can't help but feel ashamed. Why can't I reproduce? What is wrong with me? These are the doubts that have plagued me since we started trying to have a baby so many years ago. That's why I never went to the doctor until now. I felt that as a woman I shouldn't need help to have a baby. That's what my body wants to do. I quickly learned that is in fact not what my body wants to do. I saw time and time again my friends and family have babies. I kept on thinking that they were somehow better than me. That I had done something wrong and was being punished. Then I definitely didn't want to get help. I didn't want to be told that it was never going to happen for me.
With all these negative thoughts floating around in my head it's no surprise that I slowly started to become depressed. I would become withdrawn from my family. I stopped doing things that made me happy. I thought if I punished myself another way that this punishment of not having a baby would be lifted. I started to gain weight. Since moving out to NC it has gotten worse. Yes I'm finally with Adam full time, but my entire support system is still back in MO. Since being here I've gained more weight and am now heavier than I've ever been. Just one more thing for me to be ashamed about. The depression has gotten so bad that I can barely ride anymore. I just don't see the point. Why should I enjoy myself when there are bigger, more pressing matters at hand. Like I've stated before, Adam has been wonderful throughout all this, but I could see it was taking a toll. That's when I finally decided to see a specialist. I trying to not be embarrassed about not having a baby yet. And I'm starting to work out again. I'm setting goals and trying not to be discouraged. I hope that I can continue my progress.
.
.
.
Nothing. Absolutely everything came back in the normal ranges. It's so frustrating because I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong. I also had an ultrasound. I learned that with the Clomid I took this cycle I have one, slim possibility of two, healthy follicles in my right ovary and two very small non-producing ones in my left. From what I understand, Clomid is taken to help you produce more healthy follicles. So maybe I just haven't been producing healthy eggs each cycle?? I don't know. They gave me a shot of 'human chorionic gonadotropin.' (I believe that's what it was anyways.) This is used to stimulate my body to actually ovulate--basically tell my body to release the egg from the follicle. Next week I go in to have my blood drawn again to check for my progesterone levels. If they aren't high enough they will give me another shot. This will tell my body to keep the fertilized egg, if in fact there is one. Then I wait.
I think that the waiting is the hardest part. It's such a small window to manipulate egg production and release that you have to be very specific when you take this med, or that med and then when you....well, you know. Then just sit back and wait to see if it worked. If it worked then that will be amazing and I'll yell at myself for not doing this sooner. If it doesn't I go back in for round two of drugs, (a higher dose this time) and more testing.
It amazes me that support that I've had since I started talking about this. I never realized how many of my friends have gone, or are currently going through, this same situation. It seems like something that no one wants to talk about. I understand that in a way. As a female your body is hardwired to reproduce. It doesn't matter what species you are, animals need to create new life or their existence dies off. Making a baby should be one of the easiest things that I can do. It should be a no-brainer....but it's not. And a part of me can't help but feel ashamed. Why can't I reproduce? What is wrong with me? These are the doubts that have plagued me since we started trying to have a baby so many years ago. That's why I never went to the doctor until now. I felt that as a woman I shouldn't need help to have a baby. That's what my body wants to do. I quickly learned that is in fact not what my body wants to do. I saw time and time again my friends and family have babies. I kept on thinking that they were somehow better than me. That I had done something wrong and was being punished. Then I definitely didn't want to get help. I didn't want to be told that it was never going to happen for me.
With all these negative thoughts floating around in my head it's no surprise that I slowly started to become depressed. I would become withdrawn from my family. I stopped doing things that made me happy. I thought if I punished myself another way that this punishment of not having a baby would be lifted. I started to gain weight. Since moving out to NC it has gotten worse. Yes I'm finally with Adam full time, but my entire support system is still back in MO. Since being here I've gained more weight and am now heavier than I've ever been. Just one more thing for me to be ashamed about. The depression has gotten so bad that I can barely ride anymore. I just don't see the point. Why should I enjoy myself when there are bigger, more pressing matters at hand. Like I've stated before, Adam has been wonderful throughout all this, but I could see it was taking a toll. That's when I finally decided to see a specialist. I trying to not be embarrassed about not having a baby yet. And I'm starting to work out again. I'm setting goals and trying not to be discouraged. I hope that I can continue my progress.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
How to deal
I am starting to learn that this process is just like everything else in life...hurry up and wait. It seems that my days are getting longer and time is passing slower. I have an appointment next week to get my results and I feel like it's never going to get here.
I have been struggling a lot lately wondering why it is that Adam and I have to go through all this. I know that it's not that uncommon and that lots of women feel the same, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. The hardest time is when I get on Facebook. That wonderful place where you can have 500+ friends yet still find yourself lonely. I enjoy reading up on what everyone is up to and following the lives of the people I grew up with. However, it seems that every time I'm on another one of my friends is expecting. Every Time. I am so happy for them. I am also so jealous of them. I have multiple friends who are able to have kid after kid and sometimes I want to ask them how they do it. Like maybe I'm doing something wrong. Then I have the ones who accidentally found themselves pregnant and some aren't even legal yet. I feel for the young ones especially as they haven't had a chance to spread their wings and fly yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm still happy for them--each and every one, but I can't shake the "it's not fair" feeling.
Adam has been great as he constantly tries to reassure me. I don't know if I'd be able to go through with all this if he wasn't so supportive. He truly is the best husband I could have every hoped for.
I have been struggling a lot lately wondering why it is that Adam and I have to go through all this. I know that it's not that uncommon and that lots of women feel the same, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. The hardest time is when I get on Facebook. That wonderful place where you can have 500+ friends yet still find yourself lonely. I enjoy reading up on what everyone is up to and following the lives of the people I grew up with. However, it seems that every time I'm on another one of my friends is expecting. Every Time. I am so happy for them. I am also so jealous of them. I have multiple friends who are able to have kid after kid and sometimes I want to ask them how they do it. Like maybe I'm doing something wrong. Then I have the ones who accidentally found themselves pregnant and some aren't even legal yet. I feel for the young ones especially as they haven't had a chance to spread their wings and fly yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm still happy for them--each and every one, but I can't shake the "it's not fair" feeling.
Adam has been great as he constantly tries to reassure me. I don't know if I'd be able to go through with all this if he wasn't so supportive. He truly is the best husband I could have every hoped for.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Testing has started
Well, I went to the doctor yesterday for my first ultrasound and blood work. It surprisingly wasn't as bad as I had predicted. Once the ultrasound machine was turned on and I could see the picture I forgot what was going on down below. I have been looking at ultrasounds for my horse for over a year and a half it was nice to see something different for a change!
It was very interesting to see all the reproductive organs on the screen. Initially it seems that everything is as it should be. I have a uterus and two ovaries that seem to be normal sized. I start taking a drug, Clomiphene, tomorrow for five days. This drug is suppose to encourage ovulation. I go back in on the 13th for another ultrasound and more blood work. We will then get the result of Adam's sperm count and mobility test. Also, I learned last week that my family has a big history of thyroid disease so I made sure my doctor knew and added that test to my blood panel.
It's all starting to feel real to me. This is a really scarey time in my life. I'm scared that they're going to find something wrong, I'm scared that they are not going to find something wrong, I'm scared that it's going to work and life as I know it is going to be forever changed.... I want this so bad. Adam wants this so bad. Sometimes I feel like we want it so bad that we are jinxing ourselves. I'm trying to stay positive and not stress myself out because I know that won't make things any better. I know this is for the best for my family so I'm doing my best to eliminate negative thoughts. I hope I can keep it up.
It was very interesting to see all the reproductive organs on the screen. Initially it seems that everything is as it should be. I have a uterus and two ovaries that seem to be normal sized. I start taking a drug, Clomiphene, tomorrow for five days. This drug is suppose to encourage ovulation. I go back in on the 13th for another ultrasound and more blood work. We will then get the result of Adam's sperm count and mobility test. Also, I learned last week that my family has a big history of thyroid disease so I made sure my doctor knew and added that test to my blood panel.
It's all starting to feel real to me. This is a really scarey time in my life. I'm scared that they're going to find something wrong, I'm scared that they are not going to find something wrong, I'm scared that it's going to work and life as I know it is going to be forever changed.... I want this so bad. Adam wants this so bad. Sometimes I feel like we want it so bad that we are jinxing ourselves. I'm trying to stay positive and not stress myself out because I know that won't make things any better. I know this is for the best for my family so I'm doing my best to eliminate negative thoughts. I hope I can keep it up.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Today is just the beginning
I have decided to create this blog to document the journey that my husband, Adam, and I are about to embark on. We want to have a baby.
We have been married for just shy of nine years. For the past five or six we have been trying to have a baby. For some reason or another it hasn't been working. I had hoped that it was because of his busy work schedule always going away for training or deployment, but he's been back now for over a year and a half and still nothing. We have been keeping track of my cycles, keeping meticulous notes, and yet...nothing. My biggest fear is that we are not going to be able to create a little one for us to love and cherish. I guess this is the point I should warn you that some posts might get a little graphic.
Adam finally convinced me to go see a specialist. I went last week for an initial consultation to discuss all the options and roads that we have available. I thought during this visit that I would be examined or that blood would be drawn or something. But all we did was talk. I will have to say that I was very disappointed. I ended up bawling my eyes out on the way home and drowning my sorrows in ice-cream right out of the carton. I was told that they couldn't run any tests until I started my period so I was on the hurry and wait train. I wish I would have done more research before I went. I really have no idea what we are in for and that scares me.
Well, I started my period last night so I called up the doctor this morning and I go in the afternoon for an ultrasound and blood work. I got to say, the thought of an ultra sound during this time of month kind of grosses me out. I know that eventually I will get use to all the poking and prodding during all stages of my cycle, but I'm not ok with it yet. Also, today I should be able to learn something, either good or bad, but something nonetheless. It's safe to say that I am a big scaredy cat because of all this. Sometimes I don't want to know because I don't want the bad news that I can't help but feel is inevitable. Through all this, however, my husband has been the best, most supporting husband I could ever hope for. I feel so blessed to have him by my side.
So, today is the start of it all. Today I start with the ultrasounds, blood work, and medications to all try and diagnose why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. It's going to be a big change in our lives and I hope that we can survive the process. And I hope that it works. Wish us luck...
We have been married for just shy of nine years. For the past five or six we have been trying to have a baby. For some reason or another it hasn't been working. I had hoped that it was because of his busy work schedule always going away for training or deployment, but he's been back now for over a year and a half and still nothing. We have been keeping track of my cycles, keeping meticulous notes, and yet...nothing. My biggest fear is that we are not going to be able to create a little one for us to love and cherish. I guess this is the point I should warn you that some posts might get a little graphic.
Adam finally convinced me to go see a specialist. I went last week for an initial consultation to discuss all the options and roads that we have available. I thought during this visit that I would be examined or that blood would be drawn or something. But all we did was talk. I will have to say that I was very disappointed. I ended up bawling my eyes out on the way home and drowning my sorrows in ice-cream right out of the carton. I was told that they couldn't run any tests until I started my period so I was on the hurry and wait train. I wish I would have done more research before I went. I really have no idea what we are in for and that scares me.
Well, I started my period last night so I called up the doctor this morning and I go in the afternoon for an ultrasound and blood work. I got to say, the thought of an ultra sound during this time of month kind of grosses me out. I know that eventually I will get use to all the poking and prodding during all stages of my cycle, but I'm not ok with it yet. Also, today I should be able to learn something, either good or bad, but something nonetheless. It's safe to say that I am a big scaredy cat because of all this. Sometimes I don't want to know because I don't want the bad news that I can't help but feel is inevitable. Through all this, however, my husband has been the best, most supporting husband I could ever hope for. I feel so blessed to have him by my side.
So, today is the start of it all. Today I start with the ultrasounds, blood work, and medications to all try and diagnose why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. It's going to be a big change in our lives and I hope that we can survive the process. And I hope that it works. Wish us luck...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)